Joy In Waiting

Soon after I found out I was pregnant, we found out there was a bit of a chance that we could lose the baby. My ultrasound showed what is called a "subchorionic hemorrhage," which just means that a blood clot was seen  in my placenta.

I was advised to go on bed rest for two months, and it was the longest two months of my life -- not being able to go anywhere and do anything but read and watch TV. I always thought it was a slice of heaven to literally just lay in bed the whole day reading, surfing the net or watching movies. But it nearly drove me nuts. 

In any case, the bleeding stopped -- praise God -- and I was able to go on with my normal routines, pretty much my entire second trimester. But because of the early scare, I would secretly celebrate each week of my pregnancy with immense joy. I knew I could lose the baby any time, and each week that the baby was still growing in me, was a reason to celebrate. 

Now, I'm in the home stretch. Last Saturday marked my 37th week. And although full term is actually 39-40 weeks, I could technically give birth any day now, and the baby would be okay. 

And it is at this waiting time when I get rather impatient and despondent. I've again been limited in my activities, seeing as the baby can come any minute, and I spend time mostly at home since long drives and too much social activity are not advisable.

To be sure, I've tried to use my time as efficiently as I can while at home.  I'm done with most of the things I can do to prepare -- packed my hospital, baby, and overnight bag, washed all the baby clothes and paraphernalia, read and reviewed everything I can about labor and delivery. And now, all that's left to do is wait. 

And I really, really just want to get this over with, and see my baby finally. Nothing fits, nothing zips, I've started to plateau on weight gain, I want to eat sushi once more, I want to see my baby, I want to go out, have a normal waist line. 

In the midst of my impatience, tiredness and discontentment, I saw a post on our church's Facebook page for a free e-book from Pastor John Piper's website, desiringgod.org. The e-book's name? "Mom Enough"

It is a free, downloadable e-book compiling some very edifying articles about mommyhood and how to live a grace-filled life as a mother. One particular article caught my eye: "A Pregnant Woman's Defense Against The Schemes of the Devil."

The article detailed how a pregnant woman could arm herself with the full armor of God, as discussed in Ephesians against the devil's lies, and against temptation, in what is arguably, one of the most vulnerable seasons in her life.

Let me quote from the article:

"Pregnant ladies, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you, when you ground your faith in God’s sovereign goodness as the basis for your contentment. I know it is hard to be content when you’re weary, when your heart is distracted with fear for your baby, and when your emotions careen out of control. But God’s power is more than adequate for these things; his immeasurable greatness of power can overwhelm every scheme the devil devises to steal your joy in God." ---Gloria Furman

I am grateful for edifying messages like this, that help take me out of my rut, that lift my eyes from all the inward, selfish wallowing that I've been doing, and just gaze at the fullness and contentment, and joy that I have in my Jesus Christ.

Right now is a time of waiting. Whether it be a few days, or a few weeks. But I trust in the Lord my God, whose timing is perfect. Never too early, never too late, always on time. 

"10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God,so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people." --Ephesians 6: 10-18