With The End In Mind

Today, he asked me to keep a journal of the days that are leading up to the wedding. He wants to be able to share these thoughts with each other after the big day.

I woke up this morning and had a mini panic attack when I checked my phone and saw that he did not text me whether he arrived home safe from bible study last night. Things like this worry me, especially after horrid news of car accidents or highway robberies appear on TV.

Anyway, I realized that after March next year, I would know exactly when he would be home, because I would physically be living with him. This then led to the startling notion that I was going to leave my childhood home for good.

And this made me a little sad, because I would miss my parents very, very much. It made me sad that they might find this sad too.

These moments when I feel an emotion quite strongly -- whether it's feeling giddy at the idea of getting married, or the bittersweet heartbreak at the notion of leaving home -- they come at small, unexpected times. Then the rest of the day I am pre-occupied with worrying about our wedding budget, or painstakingly recording every single thing that we need to accomplish.

I am especially fretful that so many things are soooo expensive. Close to 100,000 pesos for a dress that  I will wear for only a day? 20,000 pesos or more for makeup? Then there's the ballooning guest list, the many DIY projects to cut down our expenses, the many appointments to make, people to see.

But Jotham always reminds me to go back to what this wedding should be about. When we talked after our engagement, we both agreed that the purpose of this wedding is to glorify God, and to honor our parents.

When I think about that, I can be at peace. Ours is going to be a small, simple, wedding, with much of the preparations, decors, and coordination done by us, and several gracious friends. Things may go wrong, or the wedding might not be as nice as those featured in magazines or websites.

But the important thing is this: this is for parents, who have been with us in our journey, and this is for Jesus, who brought us together in the first place.