Beautifully New Everyday

Last night was what F. Scott Fitzgerald would call, "a dark night of the soul." 

Though now that I am a Christian, it could never be as bad as when I didn't know the hope that I have in the Lord. 

But last night was devastating, nonetheless. 

Married friends always tell us to expect fights to erupt in this wedding planning stage, and I've taken all warnings with a grain of salt. I thought to myself, "Jotham and I would never fight about something as silly as wedding plans. We're too sensible for that." 

What I didn't count on, was the fact that taking on this task of preparing for the ceremony that would mark the beginning of a whole new season in life, would stir up SO MUCH EMOTION. 

And that I would bring much of these emotions into simple matters such as our caterer. Can you imagine? A big fight because of the caterer. Truth be told, for me (and for many women as well), issues will never be just about the present matter. There's a whole lot of pent up issues -- past hurts, disappointments, and anger that have been shelved. They all come bubbling up, and then they explode, just because of the slightest trigger. 

Women are crazy. I remember that quote from Will and Grace, "She's crazy. And just when you think you've reached the bottom of her craziness, there's a crazy underground garage." 

And so it was that I spent most of Sunday night crying in the dark. 

But with the dawn came God's mercies, which are new every morning. 

In the morning, we asked for each other's forgiveness, and held on to the hope that the Lord will see us through this. 

I was in the office when Jotham texted me, "I've added to my vow today." 

And I just about lost it. 

Thank you Lord for giving me this man, who does things like add to his vows after a night that revealed how imperfect his future wife is.