The preps for the marriage -- especially the part about
looking for a wedding gown overwhelmed me today. I didn't count on it to be
this nerve-wracking. I think I've put unnecessary pressure on myself, because I
want to look my best.
It's been whole while since I've felt that. These days, I
just get up, and take a bath, and dress up -- I don't even put make-up on
anymore. I think I may have forgotten how to get all dolled up. Things have
happened that allowed me to be more or less comfortable in my own skin.
In any case, I'm wrong for allowing such a thing as a
wedding gown to make me worry and lose my focus on the Lord.
Tonight, Jotham was
so kind. Though I know it was difficult for him to say it, and to do it -- he
missed Monday night basketball just so he could bring me home. I know how
special that time is for him.
I know it must have pained him -- the idea of missing a night out with his
friends, to spend time with his moody fiancee. But still, he offered.
He also held my hand when we drove to Greenhills, and I
really appreciated that. It reminded me of our first year together, when he
insisted on holding my hand the whole time he drove.
I hope and pray that I will be able to make you feel as
loved as you make me feel -- by giving up things that matter to me so that I
can be there for you. I want to be by your side even if you get grumpy -- which
you never are.
I hope and pray that even when we get old and wrinkly, time
will still find us holding each other's hands.
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